she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize