His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My ass is underappreciated
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
