the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And then he peed in my hair
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