hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i love accidental penises.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
