watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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