Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
