I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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