Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
