well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize