they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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