I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
