Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
