Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
