So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
