I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
