i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
