Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize