Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.