That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sobbing to NWA