yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
