People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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