He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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