I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
