hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize