so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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