i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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