Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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