It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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