I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
