I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You're like the curious george of whores
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
