I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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