everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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