I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
