Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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