If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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