I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
