drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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