A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
