I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
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The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize