It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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