dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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