Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
