I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize