I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.