It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God