she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.