I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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