somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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