I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
