IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize