well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
