Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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