what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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