i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder