I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter