I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?