Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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